You don't know what it's like.

Trying to spell names for a newspaper.

Braden, Brayden, Braedon, Braedan?

Erica, Erika, Arika, Arica?

Carly, Carlie, Karli, Carlee?

What's in a name? I'll tell you what's in a name — lots of letters, arranged in different, silly ways.

Someone sent me an e-mail, correcting my spelling of his daughter's name — Megan, not Meagan.

Look, I don't understand why the e was in there in the first place — but now it's optional? How about Maygun?

We're just getting started here.

Is it Ashlee, Ashley, Ashli or Ashleigh?

McKenzie, Mackenzie, Makenzee?

Jackson, Jaxon, Jaxson?

Moms and dads are playing word scramble games with names. They're reaching for originality by spelling Katelynn Caitlyn or Kaitlyn or Katelinn or Caitlin(n).

I think that just killed my spell-checker.

It's enough to cause an editor to blow a microchip.

Let's make it a law: One name, one spelling (don't even start with me about hyphenated married names — Florence Griffith-Joyner).

Is it Emily or Emilee? Or Emmalie, Emmalee, Emileigh?

We're going with Emily, as in Dickinson.

Can we all agree that Sara does not need an "h?" As in Sara Lee. Or are we going with the Biblical spelling?

In the Bible it says that God told Abraham that his wife Sarai should be called Sarah — with an h. That's good enough for me. Give it an h.

Is it Nicky, Nikki, Nickee, Nickie?

Chelsie, Chelsee, Chelsea?

Kaden, Caden, Cayden, Kayden?

Madeline, Madelyn, Madeleine, Madelynn?

Lee or Leigh? Get real.

Abigail, Abagale, Abigael?

Brianna, Breighanna, BreeAnna?

Antoine, Antwaan, Antowain, Antuan, Antwain, Antoin, Antowan?

Sean, Shawn, Chon, Schonn, Shahn?

Lateesha, Lateicia, Lateisha, Latesa, Latesha, Lateshia, Laticia, Latiesha, Latisa?

Right, and my name is Dough, Duhg, Dug or Duog.

Do parents think about what they are doing to their kids? For the rest of their lives, they have to spell their names for reservations and appointments and teachers and the DMV.

"My name is Nikkolas — N-i-k-k-o-l-a-s."

Is it Haley, Haleigh, Haelee, Haelie, Hailee, Hailey?

My theory is that people are running out of names, so they have two choices. They can either go with an alternative spelling or name a kid after a plant or a fruit. Actress Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Orange, or Pear, or Kumquat. I can't remember which.