Rachael McAdams and Jennifer Anniston play the roles of investigative reporters in these movies. Cut. They're way too good looking. I quote Tony Kornheiser, the Washington Post columnist: "There's a reason print journalists work in print. It's because they look like bridge trolls. They have bags under their eyes the size of hero sandwiches. They wear lounge-lizard suits and shiny ties spotted with marinara stains. They have $8 haircuts, and flecks of foam form at the corners of their mouths as they stare creepily into the camera. Their pallor suggests they've just climbed out of a sarcophagus. And these are the women! The men are unspeakable."

Russell Crowe is disheveled and overweight. This is a stereotype, and I would resent it if it weren't almost entirely true.

Owen Wilson and the fam buy a beautiful, large home on several acres in the country in a scene that looks like a page ripped out of Better Homes and Garden magazine. On a columnist's salary? Yeah, right, and I own a ski chalet. Get real.

The columnist has a dog and sometimes writes columns about him. This is spot on. Owen has a golden lab. Benson had a golden lab until she died — this was after he had written two columns about her. Columnist Dave Barry has a couple of dogs, too, and refers to them frequently in his columns. My writing partner is Zoee, a chunky black lab who curls up in the chair by my desk waiting for the next time I take a break and head for the refrigerator. Through discipline and willpower I have cut back the fridge visits to every 15 minutes. Zoee does not eat the couch a la Marley, but she does like cottage cheese and plastic bottles. Like my editor, she pesters me to finish the column right now.

Russell Crowe gets shot at, several times. The worst thing that happens to real journalists is nasty e-mail. Sometimes a gunshot would be preferable.

Russell Crowe's office is a mess. Another cliche — rooted in truth.

Crowe's boss is cranky. Yet another cliche (see "All the President's Men"), based on truth. This is not true, however, at the Deseret News. My editors are always in a good mood. They're good looking, too. They also said this is getting too long …

Doug Robinson's column runs on Tuesdays. Please send e-mail to drob@desnews.com