'TV' stands for 'The Vampire' — kill it

On Feb. 17, the "Vampire" in your home will be dead. The Vampire has sucked your life away day and night for decades. Years ago, your home maybe had one Vampire, but chances are now there are two or three or more stalking you. No matter where you go — living room, kitchen, even your bedroom — the Vampire is there. And because the Vampire has bitten you, you are a docile servant to his desires. He can say things and show you things that you would not put up with from your family or neighbors.

The Vampire spends more time with your child than your child spends in school. Report after report tells us of the harm he has done to your child. The more time your child spends with the Vampire, the more promiscuous he or she becomes. The Vampire makes your kid fat. The Vampire causes behavior problems.

If you are average, once the Vampire is gone on Feb. 17, you will have restored 28 hours of your life every week. In one year's time that's almost 40 full workweeks. What could you do with this extra 1,500 hours? You could get a lot of exercise. You could increase your job skills. You could spend more time engaged with your family. You could develop a talent like playing a musical instrument. You could get a part-time job and increase your savings. You could even read something more uplifting than the Vampire listings.

I know. You mock me. You disparage me. This is an impossible dream. The Vampire is too strong and too alluring. Letting the Vampire die will cause you too much pain. Only outcasts and misfits can live without the Vampire. So you will not let your beloved, foul-mouthed, violent, sex-crazed Vampire die. You will give him new life with a converter box if you haven't done so already. Perhaps your Analog Vampire has already been replaced by an even more dangerous Digital Vampire. He will continue to dominate your life. Perhaps you already have a shrine dedicated to him in your home.

I killed the Vampire in my home in 2003. At first it was hard. The Vampire's poison was in my blood. I was drawn to raise him from the dead, but with time the desire left, and so did the ill effects. Shocked at my actions and shrouded in guilt, people I know would defend the Vampire. The Vampire brings news and even wholesome entertainment.

They don't understand.

The Vampire sucks life — hours, weeks, months, years. I can get news and entertainment without him and not cede away my control.

They say that less than 1 percent of Americans live without the Vampire.

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.

Won't you join us?

In January 2003 Don and Aneladee Milne of Bountiful promised to take their children to Disneyland if they went a whole year without watching television programs. A year later, when they got back from Disneyland, they turned the TV back. They liked things better without it. They've remained "TV free" ever since.