Dad's not an easy person to get along with. He's negative, overly critical and outspoken. Mom was the glue that kept us together. A month ago, we took Dad with us on a brief vacation. After spending a great deal of time together in the car, he and I had a blowup. I'm almost 40 and had never stood up to my father before. I've since seen a counselor who has advised me to establish boundaries and only interact with my father in public until some time has passed. I suggested a counselor to Dad and even gave him a phone number.

Because we live in a tightknit community, I often see people who know our family and inquire how Dad's doing. I'm reluctant to say, "I don't know," so I usually say, "OK" and change the subject. I'm guilt ridden for not being there for Dad, but the very thought of being in his presence makes my heart pound and my stomach churn. How do I get through this tough time? — Grieving Daughter

Dear Annie: I am married to "Oscar," a wonderful guy, and we have two children. When I was in my early teens, my mother was arrested for fraud and spent six months in jail. I have never told Oscar about this because I felt it had nothing to do with him and it's hardly a point of pride.

We are very close to my mother, and I am not sure how he would handle this news. My siblings' spouses, however, all know about the family secret. Should I tell Oscar? What should I say? — Asking for Guidance

Dear Guidance: Since the rest of the family knows, you should tell Oscar before he finds out from someone else. The fraud conviction happened many years ago and we assume Mom has been a good girl since, so Oscar may be surprised, but he will eventually get past it. Start by telling him there is some confidential information about your mother that you want him to know and you hope it won't change his good opinion of her because their close relationship means the world to you. It would help if Mom would agree to be there when you talk about it, but either way, inform her that you are telling him so she isn't blindsided.