Here's poop on public pools: Don't!
Doug Robinson
"The new rules establish protocols for pool operators to handle fecal matter."
FECAL MATTER?
You don't suppose they mean, you know, as in, um, a toilet?
Are we talking about a swimming pool or a cesspool?
Maybe it was a typo. Maybe they meant DECAL — as in, pool operators need new protocols for handling decals in the pool.
This could be wishful thinking on my part.
OK, things I plan NOT to do this summer:
1. Get a sunburn.
2. Watch "American Idols" in concert.
3. Get sand in my swimsuit and then sit in the car for a long time.
4. Stick one toe in a public swimming pool.
Maybe you heard last summer that Utah's public swimming pools have been become giant vats of viral stew. This is thanks to something called cryptosporidiosis, a nasty, long-named, gastrointestinal disease brought to you by parasites, which are brought to you by FECAL MATTER, the end result being (pardon the pun) a supreme case of diarrhea.
Sounds fun.
About 2,000 people got sick from swimming in public swimming pools.
Or the Pacific Ocean in Southern California.
Well, by a process of elimination (all right, enough double-entendres) the Department of Health has determined that the sources of cryptosporewhatever are diapers and people who have had diarrhea within the past two weeks.
That's all I needed to hear. The rest is just details.
Last week, the Department of Health accepted public comment on the proposed rule changes. Consider these my public comments:
• People who have had diarrhea within the past two weeks from an unknown source may not enter a public pool.
Actually, they can't leave the house, and jumping into a public swimming pool doesn't even come up for consideration.
• Children under 3 or who are not toilet trained or can't "control themselves" must wear a swim diaper and "water resistant swimwear."
Fine — as long as the "water resistant swimwear" is the same thing astronauts wear on the space shuttle or what Jacques Cousteau wore on his deep sea dives. I'm no expert, but a swim diaper and "water resistant swimwear" don't sound reassuring.
Putting a "swim diaper" on a toddler in a public pool is like giving smokers a smoking section in the middle of an airport. Public health officials say that diapers might not be effective in keeping fecal matter "in." I hope they were going for understatement.
Recent comments
The main thing that was left out of this article was that this is...
Scuba Steve | May 21, 2008 at 10:48 a.m.
The motto used to be: "I don't swim in your toilet, please...
Log Jam | May 20, 2008 at 11:21 p.m.
I enjoyed your column thoroughly and laughed all the way to the end...
J&J | May 20, 2008 at 11:07 a.m.
