There are things we do for our own kids that would make us gag if we had to do them for somebody else's. But when it's your kid, and you accept the responsibility, then the globby item half-blocking the airflow through a nostril is something you have to take care of. If you have a tissue, great. If you don't, your finger will do just fine. Because if you don't deal with it, who will?

How sad for the men who answer that question, "My wife."

Intimate personal service is how humans bond with other people. If you find your own child's bodily excretions disgusting, it means you haven't been helping with the kids enough. Because once you've taken full responsibility and bonded with that child, even the gloppiest mess is simply a problem to be dealt with — and then, later, a funny story to tell to other parents.

My boy-children loved being tossed in the air — not far, but enough that they felt that moment of weightlessness at the top of the toss. I learned, however, that this should not take place immediately after the baby has nursed. The excitement reverses the normal alimentary flow. Did I like the taste of half-digested human milk? Not much, I can assure you. But it came from my child, so it's now just a funny story.

You become a connoisseur of diaper loads. You can discern amazing things about your child's health and diet. You also get their looks of gratitude when you clean that nasty uric acid from the sores on their bottoms and replace it with whatever balm you're using.

It feels good to know that there are things that make your child cry that you can actually do something about. It feels even better when your children are just as happy to see you as to see their mother.

You and your wife have the ritual of diaper-changing in common — you're truly partners in slime. Having seen the same things, you know when something's wrong.

There's nothing in a diaper that a grown man should be afraid of.

I'm not volunteering to change every baby in the ward, you understand. I'm just saying that I envy those of you who still have that responsibility — and privilege.

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Orson Scott Card is a writer of nonfiction and fiction, from LDS works to popular fiction. "In the Village" appears Thursdays in the Deseret News. Leave feedback for Card online at www.nauvoo.com/contact_desnews.html.