The MPL (Most Proficient Liar) of all time is O.J. Simpson, who right now is involved in another controversy. He's saying his girlfriend got a brain injury by slipping at a gas station. He also said she got various bruises and abrasions by constantly falling while drunk on a recent trip to San Antonio.

That seems unlikely unless somehow she went through the car wash without a car.

"Honesty is the best policy," wrote Shakespeare. "If I lose mine honor, I lose myself."

Which is apparently preferable to losing your endorsement deal.

The pattern seems to go like this: Express nothing but indignation and denials at first. Claim your good name has been sullied. And be sure to lawyer up. If caught, issue an apology that goes something like this: "I'm sorry if I caused anyone any pain, or hurt the game in any way. That was not my intention. I have tremendous respect for the game and wouldn't do anything to damage it. Nor would I encourage kids to take part in such activities."

You use the word "if" a lot.

You talk about putting things behind you and moving ahead, conveniently forgetting that it's what you did in the past that has you in the spotlight.

If applicable, your lawyers should point out that what you did wasn't against the rules at the time, so it wasn't really cheating.

The great part is if you do it right, nothing much will happen.

You'll take a little criticism but then rebuild your image by becoming a leader in the fight to stop the madness.

Who knew lying could be so positive?

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E-mail: rock@desnews.com