To: U.S. Department of political correctness

Dear Sirs and Ma'ams:

I am hoping you can give me some advice for the upcoming presidential election. I want to vote for the "right" candidate — the man, woman or child who will best lead this country — but, more importantly, I want to be sure I cast a politically correct vote, because, believe me, I am all about P.C.

Instead of "mankind," I like to say "humankind," and I insist on calling old people "chronologically challenged." The Washington Redskins are the Washington Native Americans in my book, and I was all for a good ERA until I found out it wasn't a baseball statistic. I put up a "holiday tree" in my living room each December.

As per women, I respect them a great deal. My wife is a woman. So is my mother. The two scariest people in the universe are Judge Judy and that British chick who used to host "Weakest Link." I'm not a fan of Maria Sharapova because she happens to be a babe (I mean non-mirror challenged), or a 6-foot-2 goddess — I just like the way she, uh, plays basketball. And I love all those TV shows in which 100-pound women routinely pound men into the sidewalk. You go, girl (I mean, woman, whatever)!

But being politically correct for the upcoming election is a tall (short-challenged) order. Last week the National Organization for Women blasted Sen. Ted Kennedy because he announced his support for Barack Obama rather than Hillary Clinton. They called this an "abandonment" of women and the "ultimate betrayal" and "the greatest betrayal" and a lot of other nasty things.

Angry might be an understatement if you're describing this rant, which runs longer than the State of the Union address and sounds like a declaration of war. Who wrote this thing, Martha Burk?

"Women have just experienced the ultimate betrayal," the statement reads. "Senator Kennedy's endorsement of Hillary Clinton's opponent in the Democratic presidential primary campaign has really hit women hard. ... He's picked the new guy over us. ... He's joined the list of progressive white men who can't or won't handle the prospect of a woman president who is Hillary Clinton (they will, of course, say they support a woman president, just not 'this one.')"

(As we all know, the Kennedys have always been great advocates for women's rights, so we can certainly understand why NOW cherishes the senator's support.)