Question: I love Hot Rod Hundley. But when do you think he'll hang 'em up?
Answer: When someone figures out what he's talking about when he says, "A gentle push, a mild arc, and the ol' cowhide globe hits home!"

Question: Who do you think is the Jazz's most interesting player?
Answer: Morris Almond, hands down. If Almond had a sister who married a descendant of former Argentine president Julio A. Roca, her name could be Tyra Almond Roca. How cool is that?

Question: Is Deron Williams the best point guard in America?
Answer: Thanks to Steve Nash, he's not even the best in Canada.

Question: Did the Jazz actually improve over the summer?
Answer: It's hard to say you improved when you didn't sign anyone more famous than Jason Hart, a singer/songwriter and keyboard player who has performed with Rufus Wainwright. Wait a minute. Did I Google the wrong Jason Hart?

Question: Who has the most marketable name, Ronnie Price or Morris Almond?
Answer: I'm taking Price. The papers have already used most of the Almond puns. Now it's time for some headlines that say "The Price is Right," "Price Buster!" or "Price Saver!"

Question: What about Matt Harpring's creaky knee? Will he retire?
Answer: He can't afford to. His wife's a doctor, so of course they won't be able to live on that. Maybe the Jazz will offer him a position as an usher after he retires.

Question: Does anyone actually like the name EnergySolutions Arena?
Answer: Yes. Sloan does. Any time you mention energy and solutions, it works for him.

Question: Will Jeff Hornacek's tutelage actually help Andrei Kirilenko's shooting?
Answer: Only if A.K. doesn't try to shoot from where Hornacek shot 'em.

Question: Can Kirilenko find happiness in Utah?
Answer: Happiness in Utah, yes. Happiness in Sloan's system? Nyet!

Question: Is Kirilenko going to cry again this year?
Answer: Sure he is. You'd cry too if you made $13 million a year and still couldn't get a good haircut.

---

E-mail: rock@desnews.com