Mormon Lite: Mormon-themed restaurant chain

Mormon Lite: Sincere (but occasionally feeble) attempts at LDS humor

Rumor has it that there is an idea floating around out there for a chain of non-pretentious Mormon-themed restaurants called The Steak Center (Where There's Never a Dry, Boring Meat-ing!).

Each Steak Center will have one enormous dining area with basketball hoops at either end and folding metal chairs and long tables covered in plastic tablecloths. The Steak Centers will not have hostesses, but greeters. Men in their seventies will meet you at the door and talk like they have known you all your life.

The main menu items will be: Porterhouse Rockwell Steak, Primary Rib and the Poor Wayfaring Pan of Beef, garnished with Parsley P. Pratt Funeral Potatoes. They will also have, when it's in season, Eliza R. Snow crab. And let's not forget a whole line of "And It Came to Pasta", including Kraft MacaMoroni and Cheese.

Additionally, they'll have breakfast items, including Pearls of Great Rice and Frosted Minivans, as well as Adam-ondi-Omelettes. Also available, "In Our Lovely Desserts", including fast sundaes, Gadianton cobbler and the sinful Laman Meringue Pie.

The waiters will be 12- and 13-year-old boys wearing white shirts and their fathers' ties. At the end of the night the customers will be asked to help fold up the chairs and tables and vacuum the floor.

Franchises are selling faster than Sunbeams on Skittles! Get yours while they last! — By Eric D. Snider (although there have been a couple of tweaks in this item as it has floated around the internet)

(If you have a bit of LDS-oriented humor you'd like to contribute to Mormon Lite please e-mail it to LDS Online Editor Joe Walker at jwalker@desnews.com

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