Healing, tears at Viet vets memorial wall

She said some vets get nervous at red lights, remembering ambushes on convoys and that large crowds are hard for some vets to handle.

"Some don't remember how to discipline their children or don't feel safe in the arms of their wife," Smith said. "I hold a space for them to tell their story where they don't have to feel any additional guilt or shame."

Survivor's remorse is one emotion those who returned from war deal with on a regular basis.

Ted VanMeeteren, a Vietnam vet from Ogden, attended the day's events but spoke of not being able to approach the wall when it came to Utah a few years ago.

"I think I had survivor's guilt ... here's the reason why," VanMeeteren said, handing over a 14-page list of more than 1,000 names.

Choked with emotion, he gathered his composure and spoke of the 1st Battalion of the 9th Marines Regiment, survivors now known as "The Walking Dead."

"I was a member of Charlie company," VanMeeteren said. "Nearly every member of the Bravo company was killed July 2, 1967, before noon. Only about 20 walked out."

He said the slaughter was so intense because the M-16 rifles issued to the soldiers kept jamming, preventing them from defending themselves from an enemy that outnumbered them five to one.

VanMeeteren lost two good card-playing buddies, also from Utah — Dee Randall Jarvis and Steven F. Mathias — in Vietnam. They spoke often of returning to eat steaks at a Utah steak house and going to Lagoon to see the Beach Boys. He wears a patch on his vest that says, "The price of freedom is written on the wall."

The public is invited to visit the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial Moving Wall at 500 North and 500 West through the weekend. Former Sen. Jake Garn will speak at the closing ceremony Monday at 10 a.m.

Volunteers will be on hand at the half-size replica of the original wall in Washington, D.C., to help find names and answer questions.

Steven and Kathleen Porter, local Army staff sergeants, volunteered to help set up and take down the wall.

Steven Porter summed up the reason for the day's events, as well as the purpose of the wall.

"It helps you remember that freedom isn't free," he said.

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E-mail: knelson@desnews.com