Other strange things have happened. Rocky Anderson started a drum circle where we plan to build a park (until he was chased off by one of Porter Rockwell's descendants). Curtis Bramble, back from a "mission" to China, wants to erect a statue of himself. Greg Curtis wants the church to build a sports stadium, and Rob Bishop keeps telling wry jokes in church that no one understands. Stan Lockhart is asking that I call all Democrats to colonize Antelope Island. Gayle Ruzicka is demanding a proclamation requiring all settlers to memorize the Constitution or she'll have her phone tree call me. Wayne Holland and Eddie Mayne are trying to organize all farmers and tradesmen into Zions Union. Chris Cannon tells me if we allow in our Mexican brethren, we can build Zion faster. Becky Lockhart wants roads wide enough to turn a team of oxen but no public transportation. ACLU lawyers are demanding a court system so they can be the first to sue me and the church.

On the positive side, Dan Jones has a poll showing my approval rating at 83 percent. Even better, I still get 100 percent sustaining votes in General Conference. Dan's wife, Pat Jones, is conducting focus groups to determine the three most pressing issues I should address. LaVarr Webb keeps pressing me to hire his PR firm to better "message" my commandments. Liberal Democrats are endorsing plans for the United Order. LaVell Edwards has accepted my call to build a football program of dynastic proportions at my namesake university in the happy valley to the south.

I appreciate nonmember friends who followed us, but they can be a pain. Catholics are competing with our claim that we are the true church, while Unitarians don't want me to build any churches. Frank Pignanelli wants to maintain his heritage by serving high-octane sacraments to my congregations.

Although I've had to chastise them, I am impressed with some of the innovative ideas of the settlers. I told Larry Miller he could not trademark the term "Pioneers" or purchase all viewing rights to the mountains. James Sorenson wants to turbocharge genealogical research with DNA and genetics. Bill Nelson is asking for exclusive rights to all hospitals, doctors and clinics.