In the first place, God made idiots. That was just for practice. Then He made school boards. — Mark Twain

Criminals shouldn't decide the length of their own prison terms.

Employees aren't allowed to give themselves a promotion. Pro tennis players don't make line calls. Teens can't decide how late they stay out at night.

But, above all, people in public office shouldn't be allowed to decide if they get raises.

Doesn't that just sound like trouble?

Take the Jordan School Board — please. Last week they voted to give themselves a raise. And not just a raise, but a big raise.

They increased their annual salary from $3,000 to $12,000, and that's not all; they also voted to allow themselves to take more than $17,000 in cash each year in lieu of health insurance.

Just like that, they asked the boss for a big raise — which is to say they asked themselves — and, surprise! they said yes! They increased their annual compensation by nearly 10 times, from $3,000 to $29,000. And all they had to do was ask (themselves)!

Is this a great country, or what?

It would be indiscreet to name names — but congratulations to Dale Christensen, Tracy Cowdell, Randy Brinkerhoff, Kim Horiuchi, Peggy Jo Kennett, Sherril Taylor and Ellen Wallace.

When Jordan teachers heard about the board members' raises, their reaction was predictable: They wanted to sentence them to 80 hours of duty on the driver's ed range or a week standing naked in front of their oversize classes.

You can't blame them. The irony was thick. To justify the raises, school board officials used all the old arguments that teachers have been using for years to improve their compensation, except they weren't ignored.

• "When we go to national conventions, we hear a school (board member) in Florida getting $60,000 a year," Alpine board President Debbie Taylor said.

Helllooo. Teachers have been pointing to higher-paid teachers in other states for years and nobody cared.

• "There's a lot of sacrifice made in public service," Taylor continued. "You're on the front lines, you're on duty whether you're in line at the supermarket or at the baseball game."

You mean, like teachers?

• "(People) don't understand the time and energy of a responsibility of a school board like ours," said Jordan President Dale Christensen. "We figured this compensation ... comes out to $12.50 an hour."

When teachers make this argument, as they have forever, the answer usually goes something like this: You knew the deal when you signed on for the job — long hours, low pay — so suck it up, pal.