The wives of three BYU athletic officials echoed Nelson's call for faithfulness, sharing stories of finding how to play their own supporting roles in the shadow of their high-profile husbands.

Cheryl Rose, wife of basketball coach Dave Rose, said her reaction just before the April 2005 announcement of her husband's new job was to head for the mall to buy 4-inch heels to wear at the press conference.

She thought, "No other coach's wife has ever worn shoes like these. This is a new era in BYU basketball and they'll show everyone I'm different." Walking the long underground tunnel toward the stadium, she realized why no other coach's wife had worn such shoes.

As reporters gathered around her husband, "I was left standing painfully alone in my new shoes wondering what my role was and how I would do it." Then Greg Hill, a reporter with the Church News, asked her about the possibilities she would have to serve due to her husband's new assignment.

"I realized he'd helped me figure out my purpose and role. It wasn't about the shoes but the opportunity I had to open my heart and bless others with my service. ... I know every day I need to pray for an open heart. It's amazing what a difference that makes" in how she treats others, she said.

Holly Mendenhall said her husband, Bronco, was hesitant earlier in their marriage when she insisted the family take time for a yearly vacation together. Eager to incorporate the theme that "no success is worth failure in the home," she planned outings that, at times, conflicted with his schedule.

"It didn't always work out, but he has always thanked me even though he was resistant initially. To see him relax and get away to reconnect with the family — now he's the one asking where are we going next."

They don't watch television in their home, she said, and they even ignore phone calls when her husband has rare time at home. She tries to keep her sons in touch with their dad, organizing speaker phone calls with him as they eat breakfast each morning and guarding the family time they do have together.

She encouraged women to "take time for your self every day. We do so much for others, sometimes we don't take time for ourselves."

Lori Holmoe's husband, Tom, is BYU's athletic director but played and coached professional football before taking that position. The one holiday she knew she could count on having him home was Mother's Day.

When he asked what she wanted to do, she chose to have him and their children accompany her on long walks around the Oakland Temple. Since he was not a Latter-day Saint earlier in their marriage, the walks gave her a chance to talk about her dreams for their family and future, she said.

After he joined the LDS Church, he was often asked to speak to youths, including the night their son was injured in a bike accident. She called to have him meet her at the emergency room, but found her bishop waiting there instead.

"I learned that day my role as a young mother was to be strong and take care of my family. Part of that meant learning to share my husband with others and letting him do whatever he needed to do. I learned to be less dependent on him" and more on her own ability, she said.

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E-mail: carrie@desnews.com