From Deseret News archives:

LDS and single

Leaders counsel members to seek marriage

Published: Saturday, March 31, 2007 3:19 p.m. MDT
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In most LDS singles wards, bishops encourage young men to date many women. That way, they're gaining needed experience and communication skills, as well as determining what they want in a future spouse, said Walt Plumb, bishop of the University of Utah 16th Ward.

Plumb is famous within his stake at the U. for encouraging the unwed to date at least once a month. On occasion, he'll even go as far as giving the men $25 to take a girl out or sponsor a "date auction" as a church activity.

"A goal of mine is to get them married," said Plumb, who has served in several leadership positions with single young adults. "Other than preaching Christ and increasing testimony, I want to get people married."

Plumb believes marriage and family are key to individual happiness.

"I don't believe anyone is really happy without being married," he said. "I know some people aren't going to have the option of marriage for some reason or another, but it sure seems to me that people are a lot happier being married."

At BYU, some bishops ask ward members to serve as "dating specialists" to assist singles in their quest to get married. Other wards have classes dedicated solely to the topic of dating. Leaders in one BYU stake were so concerned about dating that they devoted an entire meeting to the theme of "every member a matchmaker," a parody on the LDS tag line, "every member a missionary."

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"You don't always have control over being asked out or whether the person you ask will go on a date," the president of that stake said in an e-mail. "But you can set up other members of your ward and look out for them."

Eric Bybee, 24, is a member of the "matchmaker" stake. He said that sometimes local church leaders go too far in pushing marriage. "Some of these things have stopped surprising me."

David Hursey, a 29-year-old North Carolina transplant living in Taylorsville, said he believes church leaders should focus on teaching the "principle of marriage," instead of using the pulpit to pressure LDS singles to wed.

"Church leaders speak on that subject here more than any other place," Hursey said. "Here you've got bishops, high councilors — everyone seems to speak about it. They put a little too much pressure on it."

But pressure isn't the issue for many singles, who are actively following the counsel yet have still not found "the one."

Alice Faulkner is 45 and has never been married, but it's not for a lack of trying. She's had three serious relationships that all had potential for marriage.

In her 20s, Faulkner discovered that her boyfriend, a recently returned missionary, was also seriously dating two other women at the same time. She found out about the deception by chance at church, when one of the other girlfriends showed up.

Recent comments

Jade u look HOT-SMOKIN-SIZZLIN'! I wish that was me u were dancing with.

Secret Admirer | June 23, 2009 at 9:18 p.m.

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Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret Morning News

Kyle Patton and Jade Ozawa, both from Salt Lake City, dance at the Blacklight STOMP! sponsored by the LDS institute at the U.

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