From Deseret News archives:

LDS singles are delaying marriage

Growing trend mirrors national census data

Published: Saturday, March 31, 2007 3:19 p.m. MDT
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"I've seen the unhappiness that marriage leads to at this age," Wang said. "I have friends who have done the marriage thing in their 20s, and they're getting divorces, and it's causing a lot of heartache. To me, it doesn't make a lot of sense."

According to Carroll, one out of three young adults in the United States agree with the following statement: "One sees so few good or happy marriages that one questions it as a way of life." Another study shows that about 62 percent of couples who get married in the United States live together before marrying to test the compatibility of their relationship.

LDS Bishop Jon Hale, who oversees a ward of LDS singles between the ages of 18 and 31, said he believes selfishness is the reason many singles postpone marriage. Instead of focusing on finding a spouse, many singles want to get an education, travel and "find themselves" before getting married, he said.

"When it comes down to it, the scriptures say that if a person will lose their life, they will find it," Bishop Hale said. "I'm so concerned that kids are trying to find their lives that they've lost it."

"Satan's done a good job misdirecting a lot of people," he said.

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Other bishops also point to pornography, misplaced priorities, advances in technology and a shift in traditional gender roles, where women are now more dominant in both dating and educational pursuits.

Christian Crook, 29, said he has accomplished everything he wanted to do before getting married. He's traveled widely, finished graduate school and has a good job — yet he's still not married.

"I'd like to be married, but I'm OK being single and that's part of the problem. I'm comfortable," said Crook, who attends an LDS singles ward in Salt Lake City.

When asked if he was deliberately avoiding marriage, Crook said, "That's what the empirical evidence would suggest." Minutes later, he added, "I'll get married when I'm good and ready."

Caprene Thompson, 31, said she has tried to focus her life on service, filled with interesting, fulfilling activities and people. She's been engaged and has had several serious relationships, but none has resulted in marriage.

"I'm not sad and depressed," Thompson said about her single status. "I do want to get married. I do look very much forward to having children and family. And I am happy to give up career when it does happen. But now I have to live life and support myself and not just sit around."

For singles like Thompson and Crook, local church leaders say the best advice they can give is to not get overwhelmed if they're not married yet, and to "lose themselves" in service, friendship and wholesome activities.

But leaders say singles shouldn't stop looking for a marriage partner, either.

"You know better. You have been better trained," Elder Tingey told BYU graduates in 2005. "You have an eternal view of life that helps you see beyond and through the shallowness and emptiness of allowing a self-centered adolescent period following college graduation.

"We expect more from you."


E-mail: nwarburton@desnews.com, ldethman@desnews.com

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Newlyweds Amy and Shane Bonella kiss outside of the Salt Lake Temple on March 3. The Bonellas met online about a year before they got married.

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