"Joe" said he was attracted to women, but found dating and physical intimacy intimidating, difficult and "not very successful. I was having the opposite experience with people of the same sex that were attractive and did reciprocate," though his "spiritual identity" had always been "marriage and family," he said.

"That was always the goal, even when I was in the wilderness."

He dated his wife for three years, dealing with external pressure to move the relationship forward from family and friends who didn't know about his attraction to other men. He confided in her before they were engaged, and they built a level of trust that took into account his fears about physical intimacy.

"She took a risk ... but I do believe men can get to a point where they are capable of a relationship with a woman."

"Dan" was sexually abused by male siblings as a child, but was attracted to girls at a young age. When his early interest in girls was discouraged, and he was teased for being "skinny and effeminate," he turned toward boys, becoming addicted to gay pornography and acting out.

He served a mission, returned and married without telling his wife about his past, thinking he had overcome his attraction to men. But several months later he got back into pornography and the accompanying addictive behaviors. When she caught him looking at porn, he told her his story.

After that, it took years for them to be able to discuss his attraction to men. He said he "made a lot of mistakes" and the two of them talked about divorce, but he praised his wife for "hanging in there with me."

The wives said they see their husbands as much more than their same-sex attraction. Despite the challenges and public perception to the contrary, one said, "there are people who are married and dealing with this."

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E-mail: carrie@desnews.com