We know that our readers are busy people. So as a public service on this Sunday, we are providing headlines and story lead-ins that you may have missed over the last few weeks.

"Huntsman and Staff to Curtail Poll Watching" Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. and his aides announce they will no longer slavishly pursue high approval ratings and other indications of public satisfaction. "We are firing our PR staff because we really do not care about public relations in this administration and will no longer participate in press events and photo opportunities," stated Deputy Chief of Staff Mike Mower.

"Rocky to Become Hermit" Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson announced he will totally eliminate his carbon footprint by becoming a hermit in the desert and eating roots and bulbs. "Jetting around to accept green awards and speaking at rallies to impeach President Bush contribute too much to global warming," he said. Al Gore announced he will purchase some of the carbon offsets made available by Anderson's lifestyle to heat his swimming pool.

"Curtis to Attend Trans-Meditational Event" House Speaker Greg Curtis will be attending an intensive monthlong camp dedicated to meditation, emotional management and balanced life perspectives. "No one should be surprised that I am attracted to the even demeanor of a yoga lifestyle," said Curtis.

"LDS Church to Include Casino in City Creek Project" LDS Church leaders believe a glitzy gambling hall will attract more people downtown. However, behind-the-scene sources acknowledged ulterior motives: Gamblers who have lost their fortunes at roulette wheels and blackjack tables are more susceptible to religious conversion.

"Senate Is New Dominant Legislative Body" Senate President John Valentine and Senate leadership today announced that their chamber is now the prime institution in state government. House leaders and political experts concur. "All it took was Bramble," said one insider.

"Legislators Eliminate Public Parking" Utah lawmakers revealed plans to eliminate all public parking spaces around the capital, and are discouraging the UTA from providing a service to the area. "Having all these people milling around, trying to talk to us, expressing their opinions, is a nuisance and gets in the way of doing the public's business," stated one legislator.