The press release you can only dream about:

In a stunning development, Rocky Anderson, the part-time mayor of Salt Lake City, could announce today that he will hire someone else to conduct city business full-time.

"I just don't have time for it anymore," Rocky might say. "The war protests and global warming conferences and debates with conservative talk-show hosts and hanging out with my environmental buddies — it takes a lot of time to save the world. We need someone to be, you know, the mayor."

According to the press release, the title of the new position will be The Real Mayor. Rocky's revised title will be Acting Mayor.

"He's just been acting like one anyway," observers will note dryly.

"Makes no difference," a City Council member will chip in, yawning. "I guess I should say that we'll try to limp by without him, but we've been doing that for months anyway."

The mayor has devoted himself increasingly to anti-war and environmental causes, which have required much of his time and sent him on the road to destinations ranging from Washington state to London.

In recent months, he has:

• Participated in war protests at the City County Building and Pioneer Park.

• Marched in Washington, D.C., to protest the war and call for the impeachment of President Bush.

• "Debated" the war and impeachment issues with talk-show meany Bill O'Reilly on TV (when they weren't trading insults).

• Negotiated in the media with talk-show host Sean Hannity for a possible debate on the war and President Bush.

• Spoken to the Washington state Senate to protest the war and produced a written 22-page report on why he believes the president should be impeached.

• Spoken at a peace rally in Washington, D.C.

• Led anti-war rallies during President Bush's visit to Salt Lake City.

• Undertaken an advisory role to Newsweek magazine for a special issue on the environment.

• Participated in a panel discussion on global warming in New York City.

• Hosted his second annual Sundance Summit on climate changes.

• Participated in environmental conferences in Chicago; Washington, D.C.; and London.

"He's involved in a lot of causes," an observer will note. "Except Salt Lake's."

Some City Council members have complained that city business languishes during the mayor's frequent absences.

Others did not want to complain for fear he would actually stick around town more frequently.

"Works for me!" a City Council member will say. "He can travel all he wants 'cause when he's gone, he's not here."