Silent victims: Kids who witness abuse face psychological woes

Published: Thursday, March 29, 2007 12:16 p.m. MDT
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Second in a five-part series

A slight 11-year-old with a shy smile, Bobby doesn't look like he could stand up to a schoolyard bully, let alone the brute in his house known as Dad.

"He would come home drunk and just for no reason he would start pushing my mom and hurt her. I tried to protect my mom so he wouldn't hit her," he said from the safety of the YWCA, where his mom and siblings were living last month.

That meant getting between his parents until the beating stopped. It also meant getting hit himself. And there were his four terrified younger siblings to comfort.

"I would start to calm them down so they wouldn't cry anymore," he said.

Bobby, which is not his real name, found pulling funny faces worked best. "I didn't want them to feel bad," he said. Never mind that he felt sad and mad himself.

His mom also needed consoling when the punching and screaming stopped. Bobby would sit close to her and whisper in her ear.

"I would try to calm her down, too, because I felt sad when she cried," he said. "I would say, 'It's going to be all right."'

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But it isn't all right, say child advocates. Not by a long shot.

"These are the silent or unheard victims of domestic violence," says Kristin Brewer, director of the Office of the Guardian Ad Litem for the Utah state courts.

Domestic abuse in the presence of a child is common. About 60 percent of cases filed in Salt Lake City Justice Court the past five years involved children.

Research shows children who witness intimate partner violence are at risk for a confounding array of problems — from psychiatric disorders to developmental difficulties, failing at school, committing violence against others and suffering low self-esteem.

"Seeing your parent hit is terribly traumatic for a child," says Doug Goldsmith, executive director of The Children's Center in Salt Lake City.

Twelve-year-old Patrick, which is not his real name, is also living at the YWCA. He watched his cocaine-using dad "say bad words to my mom" and call the five kids names. The father sometimes hit them with his belt or hand. "He was mean," Patrick said.

Patrick blamed himself and his brothers and sisters for the assaults. "We were naughty," he said.

He's adjusting to the YWCA. "I don't get hit anymore," he said.

But the boy's eyes are dark. They hide the kind of fear, confusion and guilt that often plague youngsters exposed to family fights. Some become aggressive, others withdrawn. Children may have trouble sleeping, eating and concentrating. They have a higher risk of turning to drugs and alcohol and running away from home.

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Scott G. Winterton, Deseret Morning News

Doug Goldsmith, executive director of The Children's Center in Salt Lake City, works with one of the children at the center.

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