But not all kids will be entranced by the idea of pretty tea cups and delicate finger food. For a wild little boy or a girl who hates frills, recast the concept as a royal feast and tell them they get to be the king and queen. Let them make crowns out of construction paper and decorate them with stickers. After a good hand-washing, they can spoon out slice-and-bake cookies. Serve hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows in mugs instead of tea in china cups.

For some large-scale art, parent Amy Adams lets kids use butcher block paper — the large brown sheets that come in a roll — and Cray-pas, the bright oil pastels that look like crayons, to create murals.

Recently she used the theme of a habitat, where the kids drew a desert, an ocean or a forest.

"Then I had them go into magazines and cut out the animals that would go into the habitat and glue them on," said Adams, an elementary school teacher.

"They get so absorbed because it's something they take ownership of," said Adams. "You're rarely going to find a kid who says, 'No, I don't want to create something."'

Adams has also had success — both in school and with her own two kids — with indoor camping trips. Set up a tent — many are available that stand without stakes — and put sleeping bags in it.

"It's easy if families have the space and are willing to make the mess," said Adams, who has toasted marshmallows over a candle and decorated the room like a campground, with pictures of animals and the weather. When everyone's together, they talk about camping things — like first aid, swimming, and fishing.

"Kids love to go in a tent," she said. "They don't even think they're learning."

Whatever it is the kids end up doing, don't direct them, but be available if they have questions, and stay nearby, said Iverson, who said she often counsels people in her parenting classes to focus on their children instead of on their work or social life. She knows it's not easy.

"How do I sit on the floor when I need to check my e-mail?" she asked rhetorically. "It really takes a commitment to be there."