Love is a word that is very deceptive. It is not something that we can buy and hold in our hands, it is a word that is filled with action. Love is a verb. This word is not just a feeling; it is a doing. For years all I ever wanted was to feel loved. That did not happen, because I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was not going to find this love coming at me and surrounding me as a fog. I was not going to feel this love from other people. I was searching so hard for this love that I never dreamed that it was hiding inside of me. The reason we have a hard time finding this love is that the clutter we have in our heads is standing in the way. When we can address this most personal of our "body clutter," we will begin finding what we are looking for.

Men and women equate love much differently. For a man to show love he often reveals it in actions; checking our tires, changing the oil. He may not be good at sentimental cards and flowers, which is how we women equate love. This is why we need to look at the various ways that love is done. How do you love your children? You feed them, dress them, bathe them and do things for them. We do the same thing for the critters in our lives. We scratch their ears and rub their bellies. My husband, Robert, explained this to me this morning. Last year our hound dog Lucy died, and we got another sweet hound dog.

Robert said that he could sit in his chair and think about how much he loves this new dog or he could get up and go pet her. Then he would be loving her and she would feel his love for her. It would not be a passive experience just for him but a shared event.

Then he turned this around. He said when we are loving ourselves we are the giver, and the recipient at the same time. That is when he headed out the door to play in the woods. This is one thing that he loves to do. When you are doing things that you love; you love yourself. With our FLYing way of life we only surround ourselves with things we love. We turn chores into blessings. We release stress from our lives by using routines. These are forms of love, but in our female definition this is just stuff we have to do.

We have to find ways to show ourselves love the way we understand it and will recognize it. But since we are doing it for ourselves we just don't accept it in the same way we would if it came from someone else. This is why we have a new pampering habit for December. These are little things that we can do each day to pamper ourselves. They can be anything that you can think of to do. You can snuggle with a cup of warmth or curl up with a favorite book or magazine. Settle into a tub of bubbles or put on your favorite music. Pick up a flower at the grocery store so that every time you look at it you will smile. Light candles in your home or put crystals in the window so that rainbows dance across your room. These always make me smile.