Do you have anyone on your gift list who's the parent of a baby boy? If so, here's a nice way to express the thoughtful holiday message: "Don't get sprayed with urine." This is a little cone that you place over the little boy's strategic region during diaper-changing to protect you in case he chooses that moment — as little boys so often do — to demonstrate his range and accuracy. In a pinch, this product also makes a fun party hat for people with very small heads, although before you use it for that purpose you should make sure it has not been used previously by a baby boy.

Camo Cough Silencer

$24.99 plus shipping and handling from Cabela's, 115 Cabela Dr., Sidney, NE 69160, 800-237-4444 (fax 308-254-6745); www.cabelas.com. Suggested by Jennifer Karulski of Tucson, Ariz.

It's a question we have all asked ourselves: "If we can have silencers for our pistols, why can't we have silencers for our throats?"

The answer is: At last, we can! This cough silencer was developed by leading researchers in the hunting community to enable outdoorspersons to cough silently and thus avoid scaring away a woodland creature before the outdoorsperson has the opportunity to blow it into tiny furred smithereens.

The beauty of this silencer is that it is — like pretty much everything your serious outdoorsperson owns, including his dentures — painted in camouflage, which means it is completely invisible to the naked eye, making it ideal for use in movie theaters, libraries, funerals, etc.

Motorized Ice Cream Cone

$8.95 plus shipping and handling from Ouray Toys Inc., P.O. Box 1029, 242 7th Ave., Ouray, CO 81427-1029, 866-869-4800; www.ouraytoys.com. Suggested by many inert readers.

If you're like most people, you would like to eat more ice cream, but you just can't handle the physical strain. That is why you and everyone on your holiday gift list will want to own this motorized ice-cream cone. This amazing invention harnesses the power of an electric motor to turn your scoop of ice cream automatically, so all you have to do is stick your tongue out.

Of course that can get tiring, so you might want to hire somebody to stick your tongue out for you. No sense killing yourself.

The Birds-Away Attack Spider

$15 plus shipping and handling from Sophron Marketing, 11094 Mt. Brow Rd., Sonora, CA 95370, 888-767-4766; www.attackspider.com. Suggested by Heather Bergevin of West Columbia, S.C.

Ask the average American citizen, "What is the biggest problem facing our nation today?" Chances are that citizen will reply: "woodpeckers."