Pastor Ted Haggard's fall from grace was so much more than a stumble or a face-plant; he plunged off the cliff of sin he had publicly railed against, denying culpability until he hit bottom in a way that forced confession in his last gasp as a Christian minister.

While he is certainly not the first, and will undoubtedly not be the last to fashion a facade so convincing, the chasm between his public mask and his private face has caught Evangelicals by surprise in a way that will be remembered for decades to come, according to a local minister. His admission last weekend of "sexual immorality" after denying allegations of gay sex and drug use, made by a male prostitute who had evidence, has put Haggard in a hell of his own making, says the Rev. Greg Johnson.

And it has many people, of many faiths, looking more deeply into the mirror than maybe they have before.

Reaction this week among Utah Evangelicals has been a mixture of disbelief, anger, embarrassment, sadness and self-reflection, according to the Rev. Johnson, who heads a group of Christian ministers called Standing Together. The fact that Haggard — who spoke to religion reporters from across the country in Salt Lake City in September — could be so convincing, even when evidence was mounting against him, is frightening, the Rev. Johnson said.

"Even if (his story) doesn't get back onto the front pages of the news, this is — 20, 30, 40 years from now — still the paradigm of worst-possible scenarios for the Evangelical Christian community."

Initial word of allegations against Haggard late last week brought frustration, but disbelief, from local Christian ministers, he said. They, like many, interpreted the timing as election-week politics at its worst, noting Haggard helped lead the charge to ban gay marriage, on the ballot in Colorado.

"It was the strangest accusation you could come up with," Johnson said. "A gay prostitute? No way." He went to a meeting in Ogden late last week with pastors who offered a prayer for Haggard and his accuser — thinking the man who was president of the 33-million member National Association of Evangelicals would soon repudiate the charges. Johnson watched a 13-minute news interview with Haggard that night on the Internet, thinking "we can rest assured it's just a smear job."

But conflicting reports said Haggard had admitted purchasing meth but not using it, and getting a massage from his accuser. That's when Johnson found himself holding onto hope that began to fade. Haggard's confession and subsequent removal from the ministry seemed surreal to those who had been inspired by his faith.

Ministers around the state have been talking with their staffs and each other ever since, he said, noting their "disappointment, shame and sadness is very real. They're struggling with how people will perceive them, how their congregations will react and how it will affect them."