Big sis lifts up ailing brother

Boy's fragile health also shapes his sister's life

SOUTH OGDEN — "Mommy, watch me!" Emily Buck yells twice, but her mother's attention is, again, on her 5-year-old brother.

Trevor Buck, who wasn't supposed to live to see his first birthday, is swimming in the middle of the indoor pool at the Ogden Athletic Club. Jenny Buck shouts for her son to swim back to her.

Emily Buck, 7, floats and doesn't seem to mind the wait for a chance to show her mother a trick.

She has learned to be patient, keenly aware of what her little brother has overcome to be where he is, vying for their mother's attention.

Trevor has been plagued with life-threatening medical problems — and lots of them — since birth. No one knows that more than Emily, the often-silent witness to the struggle.

"She knew how sick her brother was," Jenny says. "She knew she might lose him several times."

It's that knowledge, Jenny adds, that has created in Emily a "healthy respect for life and living."

Still, a lot of Emily's life has been spent in hospitals or being shuttled between the homes of family and friends. Her childhood has largely been shaped by Trevor's fragile existence.

A child's serious illness is always hard on siblings, especially if it goes on for a long time, says Leah Malone, medical social worker at Primary Children's Medical Center, where the Buck family has spent so many harrowing days. She speaks not of the Buck family's struggles, but of life for families of chronically ill children in general.

"Siblings tend to feel pretty left out. Of course, all the parental attention is really focused on the child who's ill because it usually has to be. Medical regimens are pretty intense and complicated."

A shared crisis

Trevor has survived 14 surgeries, including three open-heart surgeries, and he's beating the odds. Emily has survived the surgeries, as well.

The last open-heart surgery, in January, was the toughest on Emily, says her father, Tommy Buck. "She knew that it was dangerous."

Doctors warned that Trevor might not survive surgery.

"We tried not to bring up the chances of losing him," Tommy says.

Dad and son were both scared, and Trevor asked if he was going to die. "It was beyond hard to answer," says Tommy. "He would tell me he's having nightmares, that he is going to die. That was hard. I told him everything is going to be OK, that he is strong. I was scared, really scared. It's a hard thing to wonder if your little boy is going to be alive."

Dr. Ronald Day, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Utah and Trevor's pediatric cardiologist, describes a little boy who has been through a lot and will go through much more. But he's also a child with a lot of reason to hope for a healthier future.

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