"I'm committed to a strong public education system." (I don't want the UEA coming after me.)

"I enjoy a healthy relationship with Gov. Huntsman." (I don't really like him, but he's more popular than ice cream.)

"My opponent has been in office for 16 years. We need new blood and a fresh perspective." (If elected, I'm going to be a lifer.)

"We can solve our public education and transportation problems without raising taxes." (Sure, this is nonsense, but we need to postpone tough action until after the election.)

"I will run a positive campaign." (My campaign workers will throw all the mud.)

"I am raising money from small donors." (Thanks, Mom, for the 50 bucks.)

"I look to Sen. Orrin Hatch as a wonderful senior statesman and role model." (I wish that has-been would retire so I can run.)

"My campaign is focused on deeply held values." (Whatever the focus groups tell me to say.)

"I was brought into this race by an overwhelming draft." (My mother, wife and Sunday School class said I was a good candidate.)

"I am a common man." (Far superior to the rest of you shmucks.)

"I will hold weekly news conferences to report to the people." (I sure do love those cameras!)

"My opponent is running a negative campaign." (I sure wish I hadn't voted for that legislation.)

"I feel the momentum shifting in our direction." (Now my opponent just needs to have a heart attack.)

"Voters are looking for a change." (I don't have a clue what they really want.)

"This election is about the future!" (My future, that is.)

"My opponent is an honorable person." (Please, please don't vote for that jerk.)

"I base my decisions on bedrock principles." (And monthly focus groups.)

"I will run a grass-roots campaign." (I can't afford television.)

"Nothing is more important to me than my integrity." (But re-election is mighty close.)

"We need a leader with vision!" (I envision myself some day in the Governor's Mansion.)

"I pledge a completely open administration." (Keep those pesky reporters away from me.)

"It's now in the voters' hands." (Boy, did I run a lousy campaign.)

"I will accept the decision of the voters." (This is the most humiliating day of my life!)

"That Pignanelli/Webb column is immensely entertaining." (Those jerks are boring, ill-informed and don't mention me nearly enough.)

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Republican LaVarr Webb was policy deputy to Gov. Mike Leavitt and Deseret News managing editor. He now is a political consultant and lobbyist. E-mail: lwebb@exoro.com. Democrat Frank Pignanelli is Salt Lake attorney, lobbyist and political adviser. A former candidate for Salt Lake mayor, he served 10 years in the Utah House of Representatives, six years as House minority leader. Pignanelli's spouse, D'Arcy Dixon Pignanelli, is a Utah state tax commissioner. E-mail: frankp@xmission.com.