No predictions — just valuable info on Cougars, Utes

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that since this is a know-it-all football section, I'm going to make all kinds of daring predictions about the upcoming season. That way you can stow it away, then dig it out and send me snooty e-mails in December.

But I'm not going to give you the satisfaction.

Instead, I'm going to educate you, because education is the key to success, right? Some may consider this type of column mindless trivia. I call it ammunition. For instance, the next time a football player tries to crowd in front of you in a movie line, all you have to do is shout, "Oh, yeah? Well I hear you're a top-level clogger!" at the top of your lungs. That ought to stop him in his tracks.

(Side note: I did not make that up. BYU defensive back Aaron Attig does clog; he also plays French horn and tuba. Go ahead and fill in with your own jokes.)

Forthwith, then, is a list of trivialities, tidbits and idiosyncrasies involving the BYU and Utah football teams. Use them as you see fit:

• Did you know BYU defensive lineman Tyler Berry's grandfather played professional basketball for the B.F. Goodrich Tiremen? I admit, I haven't heard of them. But it must have been tough for opposing coaches to say with a straight face: "All right, men, go home and get some sleep. Tomorrow we have a big game against the Tiremen."

Who's up next, the Albertson's Shelfstockers?

• Did you know freshman defensive lineman Brett Denney was recruited by Stanford and Harvard? Smart guy. I imagine while he's crouching down before a snap, he's actually figuring the answer to Poincare's Conjecture. If you don't know what that is, stop right there. You're not smart enough to watch him play.

• Did you know junior linebacker Rex Doman is a cousin to former BYU quarterback Brandon Doman? So all he needs to do is beat Utah on the last drive of the game, lead the team to a 12-2 season and play in the NFL and nobody will make any unfair comparisons.

• Did you know junior defensive back Kellen Fowler is the son of former BYU quarterback Blaine Fowler? But until he can recite — verbatim — the entire script of "Caddyshack" like his dad, I won't be impressed.

• Did you know junior offensive lineman Erik Freeman is a third cousin to former BYU star Bart Oates? Oates is the guy BYU pushed for all-America by mailing out envelopes with Quaker Oats inside. Does that mean if they want to promote Freeman, they'll have to put little American flags in the envelopes?

• Did you know senior defensive back Aaron Gordon speaks English, Samoan, Tongan, Italian and Hualapai? That should come in handy if he ever wants to curse at the coaches.

• Speaking of cursing, did you know BYU has an offensive lineman named Nick Longshore? How convenient. When he gets hurt, he can curse like a longshoreman.

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