From Deseret News archives:
Quiet voices that demand perfection
This was a reflection of whether we were good enough to be loved.
In our children's minds we thought "If only I were better!" The stress of having to perform to be accepted by the people who were supposed to love us just because we were their babies is what pushes us today. It is that desire to feel loved even if it is because you did something well. Now I have to get on my soapbox and scream!
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
You don't need to get this love from anyone but yourself! You don't have to prove you are worthy to get strokes! People who demand perfection from you are incapable of love! You are never going to be able to please them anyway, so why not just stop it now?
Now in these people's defense, they learned this from their parents who learned it from their parents.
This is your home! These voices are still with you! Pushing you to seek perfectionism and making your life miserable. We have to replace their condescending tones with loving words that are coming from you! Do this for yourself; do it for your babies, but by all means just do it!
How many times were you forced to redo a job because you did not do it right the first time? I can hear the words now! "You call this clean!"
Housework was used as a punishment! No wonder you hate it now! You deserve to live in a home that blesses you, too! You don't have to listen to those voices anymore!
You can eliminate those voices from your head. They are not the boss anymore unless you give them permission to abuse you! When you hear a voice say something to you about how you are doing something; I want you to stop and examine whose voice it really is? Think hard. You will see it is not your voice you are hearing! It is someone else's.
If the voice is not in your head, and it is in your house because it is your spouse, then you are going to have to practice ignoring the words. Our guys have a switch they can turn on and off! Let's try using their switch when the hurtful words come out of their mouths. After all, they were hurt as children, too. This is all they know. We do not have to react to their words one way or another!
We can do this, but it is going to take the realization that we do not have to be abused another day by people who are never going to love us anyway! Recognizing these voices and quieting them is one step towards spreading your wings and FLYing! Now how to quiet them is your question. This is so simple! When you hear the negative words, I want you to say out loud if you need to or to yourself; DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! And then repeat after me: "Housework done incorrectly still blesses my family!"
For more help getting rid of your CHAOS; check out: www.flylady.net. Also see Cilley's book, "Sink Reflections" and her new book, "Body Clutter." Copyright 2006 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.
Comments
- Laurent's objects to be auctioned 11:26 a.m.
- Rucker up for two CMA awards 11:22 a.m.
- Glamour mag's Women of the Year 11:19 a.m.
- 'Aha' suit against Winfrey settled 11:15 a.m.
- Disney studio executive exits 11:10 a.m.
- Madonna in Brazil 11:09 a.m.
- Chimpanzee attack victim on 'Oprah' 11:08 a.m.
- Stocks fall as dollar slide eases 11:06 a.m.
- Clemency denied for D.C. sniper 11:04 a.m.
- Suspect: Drop Letterman case 11:02 a.m.
- Utah group finds homes for orphans
- Soccer MVPs know how to win
- Senators want food tax restored
- Jazz blow big lead, hang on
- Matheson gets no thanks from GOP
- Alta's Ohai is Ms. Soccer 2009
- Mitchell seeks to block witnesses
- Price injured; Miles has cast removed
- Y. tight ends talented tandem
- Utes get extra motivation
- House passes health care bill
238 - TCU showdown has big implications
184 - Lobo suspended
182 - Cougars crush hapless Cowboys
154 - Utah Jazz fall apart against Kings
131 - Senators want food tax restored
122 - Thousands protest health bill
118 - TCU 4th in AP poll; U. 16th, Y. 22nd
118 - RSL rallies to advance
103 - No 'backlash' for pioneers, gays analogy
102
Meghan McCain, the daughter of former presidential candidate John...
No Uncanny, you are not the only one who can tell the difference between hugs...
Coming from out of state, I have noticed that going to college is not...
She needs to be suspended for a long time . The coach and the BYU player...
You had your chance at home against TCU and were routed by the faster, more...
My wife quit full-time employment for 10 years to raise our children. This...
To "Annoy a Liberal..... | 8:58 a.m." another way to annoy liberals is to...
Nice to see it worked out.
I do thank all of the workers at TSA world wide for a job well done in...
Quote the news paper "it was as bad as it gets. We're just very very...
'I'm personally tired of having gay rights shoved down my throat.' Then...


You can be the first to comment on this story.