When we were little, we were judged by our ability to do.

This was a reflection of whether we were good enough to be loved.

In our children's minds we thought "If only I were better!" The stress of having to perform to be accepted by the people who were supposed to love us just because we were their babies is what pushes us today. It is that desire to feel loved even if it is because you did something well. Now I have to get on my soapbox and scream!

YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!

You don't need to get this love from anyone but yourself! You don't have to prove you are worthy to get strokes! People who demand perfection from you are incapable of love! You are never going to be able to please them anyway, so why not just stop it now?

Now in these people's defense, they learned this from their parents who learned it from their parents.

Here is the kicker! We don't have to teach this to our children, and we can repair the damage and refuse to allow this type of perfection-seeking to paralyze us! Belief in perfectionism takes root in us very early. We are bombarded by the phrases day in and day out. "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all!" "A job worth doing is worth doing right the first time." I could go on and on!

This is your home! These voices are still with you! Pushing you to seek perfectionism and making your life miserable. We have to replace their condescending tones with loving words that are coming from you! Do this for yourself; do it for your babies, but by all means just do it!

How many times were you forced to redo a job because you did not do it right the first time? I can hear the words now! "You call this clean!"

Housework was used as a punishment! No wonder you hate it now! You deserve to live in a home that blesses you, too! You don't have to listen to those voices anymore!

You can eliminate those voices from your head. They are not the boss anymore unless you give them permission to abuse you! When you hear a voice say something to you about how you are doing something; I want you to stop and examine whose voice it really is? Think hard. You will see it is not your voice you are hearing! It is someone else's.

If the voice is not in your head, and it is in your house because it is your spouse, then you are going to have to practice ignoring the words. Our guys have a switch they can turn on and off! Let's try using their switch when the hurtful words come out of their mouths. After all, they were hurt as children, too. This is all they know. We do not have to react to their words one way or another!

We can do this, but it is going to take the realization that we do not have to be abused another day by people who are never going to love us anyway! Recognizing these voices and quieting them is one step towards spreading your wings and FLYing! Now how to quiet them is your question. This is so simple! When you hear the negative words, I want you to say out loud if you need to or to yourself; DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! And then repeat after me: "Housework done incorrectly still blesses my family!"

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For more help getting rid of your CHAOS; check out: www.flylady.net. Also see Cilley's book, "Sink Reflections" and her new book, "Body Clutter." Copyright 2006 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.