• You vow to never grow up but continue to grow out.

• You won't put a nickel in a slot machine because gambling is a vice, but you will put eight quarters in a vending machine at work for a bag of Doritos, a Snickers bar and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

• You wear sweats with a very expandable waistband to buffets.

• Employees know your first name at those same buffets.

• You get mad at somebody for tailgating your car until you realize it's your own, um, rear bumper.

• As my brother "Chunk" says: When taking a bath, you fill up the tub and then turn the water on.

• You have a brother named "Chunk," and you're shorter and fatter than him.

• You spend way more time trying to be funny in a weight-loss column than you do exercising.

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Jody Genessy, whose BMI has shrunk by five this year (32 pounds lost) but is still obese by all indicators, writes a weight-loss column the first Friday of every month.

E-mail: jody@desnews.com