CLEVELAND — They watched with pride when their sons went off to war in Iraq, and they suffered when their boys came home in caskets.

But the Ohio parents of Lance Cpl. Edward "Augie" Schroeder II and Cpl. Dustin Derga took very different paths after their Marine sons were buried.

Schroeder's parents founded Families of the Fallen for Change, an anti-war group pushing for a gradual withdrawal of American troops from Iraq. Derga's father joined Ohio Families United, which publicizes progress in Iraq and supports the U.S. military presence there.

Three years into the war, they are like hundreds of other soldiers' relatives who are seizing the power of the Internet and using the common bond of loss to rally people for or against the war.

Ohio Families United "helps in many ways to add additional meaning to the loss," said Robert Derga of Uniontown, whose 24-year-old son died in combat last May.

Derga said he gets enjoyment out of helping other families cope, collecting school supplies for Iraqi children and helping troops adjust when they return home.

"I can sit here and get wrapped up in the grief and get angry about it, but at the end of the day it's not going to bring Dustin back," Derga said.

Paul Schroeder and his wife, Rosemary Palmer, formed their anti-war group in November, three months after their 23-year-old son died in a roadside bombing.

A day after his burial, the couple invited the media to their front yard and called on President Bush to send more reinforcements to Iraq or withdraw U.S. troops altogether.

"When Augie was killed in August we were just two people, two people who were grieving," Paul Schroeder said . "The point was how could we have a stronger voice?"

Today the group has 1,100 members — 53 who have lost a relative in the war, dozens of veterans and hundreds of others who support the idea of setting benchmarks for the withdrawal of American forces.

Palmer spends her nights and weekends organizing the group online and speaking to politicians and peace groups.

"In no way are we against the military," she said. "In fact, we support the military."

Palmer said that the night before her son was sent off to Iraq, she and her husband told him that they would speak out publicly if he was killed.

"He would have understood and expected us to do this," his mother said. "He knows there is no way we'd sit quietly and let it go."

Among the members of Families of the Fallen for Change is Annie Phillips of Seattle, who supports two cousins serving in the war and joined the organization because "I love my country, but I hate what's going on with it."

There is also Betty Landrus of Madison, whose son, Army Staff Sgt. Sean Landrus, 31, died in 2004 of injuries from a roadside bomb.

Her suburban home is decorated with American flags, and she said she believes she and her husband, Kenneth, are as patriotic as any other military family.

"We love our country. We just don't want our young people dying needlessly," she said. "I think the more voices you have, the louder you are, and eventually, you'll be heard."

On the pro-war side are the Maine-based Military Families Voice of Victory, Wisconsin-based America's Fallen Heroes, and Families United for Our Troops, which has eight state chapters.

Nancy Szwydek of Warfordsburg, Pa., lost her 20-year-old son, Marine Lance Cpl. Steven W. Szwydek, last October in an explosion. She joined Families United for Our Troops.