Christ's teaching could solve many social woes

Pignanelli: Today most Utahns are celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Most political leaders claim to be Christians; and those who do not admire his philosophy. What if government officials acted upon their public convictions and implemented the teachings of the rabbi from Nazareth?

• Attorneys will be eliminated since no one can defend himself in court. ("If any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also." Matthew 5:40). The only disadvantage is the end of lawyer jokes.

• Limits imposed on automobiles, big-screen televisions, snowmobiles and excursions to Costco. ("Beware of covetousness; life consisteth not in the abundance of the things man possesseth." Luke 12:15). No more monster homes, either.

• The following are restricted: fantasy football, bidding on eBay, multilevel marketing. ("No one can serve two masters. . . . Ye cannot serve God and mammon." Matthew 6:24) At least one of these activities consumes our thoughts, especially during religious services.

• All prisons are closed because there are no criminals. ("If your brother sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times repents, forgive him." Luke 17:4) Proceeds from the sale of the Draper correctional facility will fund wonderful programs.

• Political parties, fraternities and sororities are dissolved. ("Swear (oaths) not at all." Matthew 5:34). Few tears shed with this one.

• Buildings and charitable awards can no longer bear the name of donors. ("When thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee." Matthew 6:2) This eliminates fund-raising dinners honoring local celebrities and those United Way billboards.

• Bulldoze all strip clubs and singles bars. ("Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28) Don't forget Victoria's Secret in the demolition plans.

• Election campaign commercials, many soft-drink advertisements and televised discussions regarding sports and partisan politics are prohibited. ("Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you." Luke 6:27). Fox News, the New York Times and this column are in trouble.

• Any entertainment violating the Ten Commandments is forbidden. ("Whosoever shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven." Mark 5:19). We'll all miss "Desperate Housewives" and "The Sopranos."

• A flat tax with no deductions and credits is mandated. ("Render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar." Matthew 22:21). The Utah Taxpayers Association is out of a job.