Legislator No. 2: "I told you to close the gol-durned window."

Statistician: "We'll have a hundred thousand new students in our schools in a decade. We need a hundred new school buildings and thirty-five hundred new teachers."

Legislator No. 7: "That's a local problem. We're only talking about state taxes."

Legislator No. 6: "But most school districts tax to the limit allowed by state law. The same with counties and cities. They can't do anything unless we give them some help."

Legislator No. 4: "Taxes bad."

Legislator No. 3: "I won't vote to give local areas more taxing authority . . . and don't even think about sharing more state revenue with counties."

Legislator No. 8: "Schools have too much money. They should get back to the three R's. Teach kids to work. So-called 'liberal education' is un-American."

Voice of reason: "Most money spent on consumer goods leaves the state, but money spent on schools and teachers stays at home to strengthen local businesses."

Legislator No. 2: "For crying out loud, close the window!"

Utah's taxpaying citizens: Knock, knock.

Legislator No. 6 (quietly to neighbor): "Did that new home of yours in St. George suffer any flood damage?"

Legislator No. 5 (quietly): "A little. But the loss was covered by my business insurance."

Legislator No. 9: "Zzzzzz."

Statistician: "Utah's income tax is basically a flat tax. We could spread the brackets a little."

Legislator No. 1: "My campaign donors would raise a stink. I could never vote for it."

Legislator No. 8: "Who's doing lunch?"

Legislator No. 3: "The utility lobby. It'll be catered by Bambara."

Token woman legislator: "Before the caterers bring in the food, someone swat that fly on the wall."

SPLAT!

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G. Donald Gale is president of Words, Words, Words Inc. He was formerly editorial director at KSL. He earned a Ph.D. at the University of Utah and was awarded an honorary doctorate by Southern Utah University. E-mail: dongale@words3.com