"All the kids have to band together to save Chrismukkuh this year," Schwartz said with the same self-awareness that makes "The O.C." so darn amusing and entertaining.

FIVE MONTHS AGO, NBC execs hailed "The Apprentice" as their savior. After losing "Friends" and "Frasier," NBC Entertainment president Kevin Reilly insisted "we're not totally (messed up), and here's why. First, of course, the Lord giveth. And in the godforsaken television business, by 'the Lord' I mean ('Apprentice' producer) Mark Burnett, thanks to Donald Trump."

It probably wasn't just the blasphemy, but things haven't turned out that way. "The Apprentice" has been getting Trumped — no, stomped — by "CSI" in the ratings. And, after decades of dominating Thursday nights, NBC has fallen behind CBS in viewers, households and the all-important 18-49 demographic.

"Apprentice" ratings have fallen off dramatically in its second season, perhaps because, unlike "Survivor," where hopefuls are voted off by people who are out to win something, the hopefuls on this show are dismissed by the arbitrary and capricious whims of Trump.

So tonight's three-hour finale (7 p.m., Ch. 5) isn't that big an event. But here are a few things to keep in mind:

• First up is taped footage of the remaining two contestants, Jennifer Massey and Kelly Perdew, running a pair of charity events as their final tasks in an attempt to impress Donald Trump.

• Sacramento Kings player Chris Webber is threatening to sue because last week's episode made it appear he was backing out of Jennifer's event. He insists he never promised to be there and says this will hurt his good name. (Right, like he still has one.)

• We then go to the "live" portion of the show, where Trump makes his decision. (It's only live in the Eastern and Central time zones, of course — it's live-to-tape here.) And NBC, having seen that Trump was even worse on live TV than he is on edited tape in last season's finale, has brought in Regis Philbin to help him out.

• After the decision is made, we get the "reunion" of all 16 contestants — many of whom were honkin' bores — who will sit around and dis each other. Ho, hum. (There's always a "Without a Trace" rerun at 9 p.m.)

• If you don't want to sit through two-plus hours of "The Apprentice" to see who wins, try this: On Sunday, I taped the "Survivor" finale and, after fast-forwarding through the recap, the commercials and the always boring reminiscences, it took about 70 minutes to watch the 130 minutes or so it took to reveal the winner.

• If you're really pining to see Trump on TV, the mogul told critics that he has offers from two different networks to televise his wedding to model Melania Knauss (his third marriage), scheduled for Jan. 22. There's no word on how many networks are bidding for the rights to the divorce.

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E-mail: pierce@desnews.com