Suicide starts cycle of grief

PROVO — Suicide.

The word makes most people uncomfortable — but those who have been impacted say it cannot go unspoken.

Last month alone, four Utah County residents killed themselves.

Their deaths aren't just tragic for their family and friends. It also affects anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide.

For them, finding out about a new suicide or suicide attempt is like reopening a wound and pouring vinegar on it.

"They equate losing a loved one to suicide to a concentration camp experience because that is how bonded you become to other survivors by the experience itself," said Charn Burton, whose 18-year-old son Jordan killed himself four years ago.

Support groups for people coping with a suicide death of a friend or family member are popping up around Utah.

Two years ago, Burton founded Heart and Soul Survivors, which meets the second Thursday of each month at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo.

It's a group with "no agenda, no religious basis and no fees," said David Jenkins, who heads the group with his wife, Jackie.

When the Jenkins' 29-year-old son killed himself nearly two years ago, they learned firsthand of the grieving process that families and friends go through.

Like any other death, those remaining are devastated. They also are left with lingering guilt, constantly wondering if they could have done something to prevent it.

And while mental illness and suicide have received more attention over the years, the Jenkins soon discovered that both still carry a stigma, which can often make it awkward for others to discuss their son's death. So many people don't broach the topic, as if that will make the problem go away, they said.

But it won't, because mental illness "can happen to anyone," Jackie Jenkins said.

Their son, the Jenkins point out, was a successful student who served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and married his sweetheart in an LDS temple. By outward appearances, his life appeared to be going well.

"Those who take their own lives are desperate because most religions believe that you go to hell," Burton said. "To think, 'I'd rather go to hell than go on living like this' — how depressed must they be? They are not thinking well. They are not in their right mind."

And a common catalyst for suicide — mental illness — doesn't discriminate, she said. In Utah, suicide accounts for 14.3 percent of all violent deaths in the state — compared to 9.4 percent nationwide — and is the second leading cause of death for 14- to 24-year-old males.