THE SOAP-RANOS, Desert Star Cabaret, 4861 S. State, through Nov. 6 (266-7600). Running time: two hours (two intermissions).

MURRAY — This may have been "written by committee," but it was a very talented committee — actors and comedians who know how to put together a polished parody.

Like many Desert Star melodrama musicals, this one tackles some well-known Utah foibles, this time from the perspective of a New Jersey mobster. Tony Soaprano's "family" includes his team of henchmen and an on-the-take FBI agent.

When his suspicious wife gives him an ultimatum — her or the mob — he figures maybe he should move the whole kit and caboodle to Utah. Out there, he's heard, there's this big family called "the Mormonis" (think Italian — the More-moan-ees) who have things so organized that they rake in 10 percent off the top, and the FBI doesn't even notice.

So Tony moves to Utah and opens a second-hand store, not realizing that "the D.I." already has a corner on the market. But Tony's Thrift Shop is mostly a front for circulating stolen goods.

The action is fast and funny, and the cast does a fine job delivering the comedy and the songs.

The Friday night cast included Phillip Lowe as Tony and Lynette Parry as his wife, Vanilla (who looks and sounds like Fran Dreschler). Even her Pampered Chef parties are somehow turned into a scheme for covering up Tony's stolen loot.

Mary Parker Williams is single-cast as Tony's angry mother, Mezzo Soaprano, who's irritated at moving to the boondocks, with Erik Johansen as Stanford Generic, a bingo parlor security guard. (Mezzo plays bingo with the intense passion usually reserved for high-stakes poker.)

Mezzo's also irked at her son's shady dealings. One pointed threat: "I brought you into this world — and I can take you out."

Both of Tony's families — his legal one, and his mobsters — are involved in "family therapy" with Dr. Milf (Ashley Mayfield), who's in dire need of counseling herself.

The villains in this piece — in addition to Tony — are henchmen Big Kitty and Uncle Junior (W. Lee Daily and Jack Drayton), and crooked FBI Agent Smith (Jessica Sullivan). The latter believes that the chances of Tony Soaprano going "legit" are "as slim as Mary Kay Olsen."

There are no surprises here — just the finelyhoned comedy that Desert Star audiences have come to expect.

The cast is also showcased in a "Radio Daze" olio segment, a musical trip up and down the radio dial.

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E-mail: ivan@desnews.com