Attention, air travelers. If you plan to board an airline soon, please listen closely as we run through a checklist of things you can and can't bring on board in your carry-on bag.

Book? Check. Magazine? Check. Canoe? Sorry. A pony? No. Wallet? Check. Keys? Check. .44 Magnum? Check. Laptop? Check.

NO, WAIT! Uncheck the pistol. Ixnay on the .44 Magnum! My bad.

Airline people have a strong aversion to passengers carrying guns, obviously. You're probably wondering who would be dumb enough to bring a gun to the airport.

You'd be surprised. During one six-month period, 22 guns were discovered at security checkpoints in Salt Lake International. For most passengers, it was a mistake, but now it makes little difference. A zero-tolerance policy was adopted, which means virtually everyone will be prosecuted.

Just ask "David Jones." Well, actually you can't ask him, because that's not his real name. Anyway, Jones is a model citizen who found himself getting the Public-Enemy-No.-1 Treatment because he accidentally showed up at the airport with a pistol.

Before you jump to any conclusions . . . Jones is a good guy. If you were asked to describe the ideal neighbor, you would describe Jones. He's a leader in his church, a father/husband of a large family, a salt-of-the-earth guy. In his 50-plus years he has never gotten so much as a speeding ticket. The worst thing he ever did was get ticketed for turning right on a yellow light in 1971.

Jones is considered brilliant in his profession. He works hard. In his spare time, he likes to shoot guns. Some men like to hit golf balls on the driving range to relax; he likes to shoot pistols at the gun range. He has a concealed-weapons permit.

One evening he returned home after work and a range outing. Before getting out of his truck, he put the gun in his backpack, thinking he would place it in the gun safe in his house, as was his habit. But when he walked in the house, he was distracted by visitors and children vying for his attention.

Two days later, he was scheduled to fly out of town on business. It was a frantic morning. Realizing he was late, he put his laptop in his backpack, which he used as a carry-on for travel, and hurried out the door. He rushed through the airport and placed his backpack on the conveyor belt for security check.

And then it hit him. "Uh, there's a gun in that pack," he told the security officer. Following procedure, the police were called. Before marching him through the airport in cuffs, past crowds, a police officer told him, "Let's hope we don't see anyone you know."