Kindness is curbing gay cruising

Buie's counseling sessions aim to desexualize the desired connections of men like John. Buie avoids dictating what kind of lifestyle his clients should lead. Whatever their choice, the point is to teach men that sexual rendezvous in public restrooms are physically and mentally unhealthy ways of dealing with their same-sex attractions.

"I try to put in perspective that, for whatever reason, homosexuality gets defined as purely a sexual thing," Buie said. "Socially, that's where the emphasis is. What I try to do is, if you will, desexualize what it means to be gay. What I ask people . . . is 'What are your values? What is your sense of who you are?' "

For John, that has meant becoming an openly gay man. He hasn't cruised since his arrest in March and now fills his days with work and numerous outside activities. When he does face the urge to cruise again, John goes through a mental checklist using the acronym HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired).

"All of those things were things that I'd misinterpret as I needed a fix," John said. "I learned to do more introspective thinking. If I satisfied all those needs, then generally that drive to go to the park would subside. However, if the feeling for the need was still there, then the theory was it's still OK to go to the park to cruise, but take it somewhere else, take it home."

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