"You're waiting for that tap on the shoulder to invite you out," John said.

John's double life continued until 1988. His son had just left on an LDS mission.

John went to a Salt Lake gym, met another man and went to a park with him.

His wife was suspicious when he got home 1 1/2 hours after the gym had closed. She eventually confronted him, and the two separated in October of that year. Their divorce was final by the following April.

Breaking the law

A few years later in 1993, John was arrested for cruising in Sugarhouse Park. He has been arrested twice since then, most recently in March, when he engaged in a sex act in front of an undercover Salt Lake City vice officer in the steam room of a local gym.

In the 10 years spanning his three arrests, John has noticed a subtle change in the way the justice system treats park cruisers.

"Back then, you were basically a child molester and more into pedophilia than just someone who enjoyed sex with the same gender," he said.

During his court appearance following his 1993 arrest, John recalled the judge taking particular delight in demeaning and humiliating him. The judge read the charges out loud in front of a crowded courtroom filled mostly with people who were appearing on traffic violations, John said. After the verbal berating, the judge fined John $500, placed him on six months probation and ordered him to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

"It was very embarrassing — extremely embarrassing," John said. "It seemed like the whole focus of it all was to embarrass you and make a spectacle."

The public flogging, however, did little to keep John from cruising. He was arrested on the same charge three years ago in Alexandria, Va. Following the arrest, John says he was treated much the same way by Virginia law enforcement.

After moving back to Utah more than a year ago, John continued cruising at local gyms until his arrest in March.

John said he did notice a definite difference when he appeared in court on the charges. The judge allowed John to waive a formal reading of the charges, sparing him the repeated humiliation of being labeled in front of a courtroom full of people. John said the court's treatment of him after his latest arrest was "one of the better experiences for me."

"There was a more civil way of treating me," John said. "It's a more human way of dealing with this. I think they're learning that cruising is not just about the sex."

So what is it about?