Via the wonders of technology, the Deseret Morning News caught up with Opus the penguin somewhere in Antarctica, where he consented to answer a few burning questions for our readers.

Deseret Morning News: Have the years been good to you? Are you any taller, shorter, skinnier, fatter, older, wiser, cuter, frumpier, grumpier, sweeter, neater, cooler, hipper, prouder, humbler, nicer, spicier than before?

Opus: I've lost some weight, but then that's what a diet of Antarctic herring will do. I dreamt of Pop Tarts last night, but the icing was squid ink. It's probably time I came back to America. It's simply awful here, but my mother needs me. Maybe things will change.

DMN: Have you seen Bill the Cat, lately? Or any of your other friends (not counting the Hairy Fishnuts)?

Opus: Tourists keep yelling "HAIRY FISHNUTS!" at me when they go by, laughing. I don't think they're laughing "with" me. In fact, I've never seen the humor. Bill the Cat? He may have died after eating Snoopy, whom he found at his door selling MetLife insurance. Steve Dallas is now a woman named Lulu in San Francisco. You see, this is why I'm not going back to Bloom County. You can't go home again.

DMN: What is your favorite song — and would you sing it in a karaoke bar?

Opus: "Cold as Ice," by Foreigner. I only sing if I've had too much fermented krill.

DMN: Your "Wish for Wings That Work" was granted in fine fashion. Do you have any other wishes, hopes, dreams, regrets you'd like to share?

Opus: I'd like some Pop Tarts, honestly. It's probably symbolic of other things. I'd also like to find out whatever happened to that nice man Bill Clinton, who was just coming in when I left. He had such nice hair. The ladies probably really went for him, I'll bet . . . not that anything could happen in the Oval Office. Is he still president?

DMN: If, as some say, the secret of life involves chocolate, what does the secret of happiness entail?

Opus: Exactly what I'd like to find out. I think that's why Mr. Breathed is bringing me back. I, honestly speaking, think it has something to do with snack food that goes beyond dried shrimp, but then maybe its just that I've been down here too long.

DMN: Is there anything else you'd like our readers to know?

Opus: Yes, Mr. Breathed has asked me to forward his comment that its time your newspaper kicked out the comic strips drawn by dead cartoonists. Or even the ones that don't bother to show up for work anymore. There are many live ones that would like to give it a try.