ST. LOUIS — Sometime late Thursday night at the conclusion of the fraudulent party that the Bowl Championship Series is tossing on the outskirts of Miami, the victors of the BCS "championship game" will be standing on a platform in the middle of Dolphin Stadium in a shower of glittering confetti, tearfully clutching a beautiful crystal football trophy.

It will have the look and feel of a national championship game, and every one of its players and coaches will be wagging their fingers and proclaiming "We're No. 1."

And there will only be one thing wrong with this storybook finish.

Neither Oklahoma or Florida — clearly two of the most gifted teams in the star-studded 2008 season — has earned the undisputed claim to that title.

No matter who wins the BCS title game, there will be at least three other teams that will be standing in the shadows asking one simple question that the BCS can't possibly answer with a straight face: Why not us?

Why not 12-1 Southern California, perhaps the most frighteningly talented team in the land right now, whose only loss this season shouldn't be any more harmful to its championship cause than the one loss Florida and Oklahoma suffered?

Why not 12-1 Texas, who by the way handed the Sooners their only loss of the season, but because of a confusing Big 12 Conference tiebreaker was robbed of its seat in the BCS "championship game"?

Better yet, why not the most deserving team of them all, unbeaten Utah, the only 13-0 team in college football's top division? Why not the Utes, who dominated SEC powerhouse Alabama — which held the No. 1 ranking for most of the final month of the season — in last week's Sugar Bowl?

"We've done everything you can ask for with our season," said Dr. Chris Hill, the Utah director of athletics. "So the only thing that's left to say is, why not us?"

This is the perfect storm of anarchy and chaos I have been dreaming of. In this game, there are too many deserving teams, not nearly enough trophies. Because major college football does not have a true postseason playoff, the BCS "championship game" is nothing more than a glorified exhibition game that sadly, doesn't settle a darned thing. There is no real playoff. Instead, we have a system that would make Olympic figure skating judges blush because of its blatant subjectivity.

And now there is only one powerful way to push the faceless cartel of college presidents, athletic directors and conference commissioners who have conspired to perpetrate this fraud to change their ways: The 72 writers and broadcasters who vote for the Associated Press football poll must unanimously cast their ballots for the University of Utah's unbeaten Utes as the No. 1 team in the land.