Stars of a sort

Those who think the Utes deserve a shot at the national college football championship might consider the sad plight of Ball State. After the Cardinals defeated Western Michigan last week to complete a 12-0 season, fans chanted, "BCS! BCS!"

Isn't gonna happen.

Similar calls rang out after undefeated Boise State routed Fresno State last Friday. Fans held up signs that said, "All I Want for Christmas is a BCS Bowl!"

Again, sorry folks.

This dance is taken.

It's tough getting face time when you're not in a BCS conference.

Still, progress is being made. The BCS has agreed to allow any undefeated team to appear with Warren Sapp on "Dancing with the Stars" — as long as it's ranked in the top 20 and Cloris Leachman isn't interested.

Simple guys

Dallas Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo scored character points when he recently took a down-on-his-luck drifter who called himself "Doc" to a movie.

No word on Doc's true identity, but here are some possibilities:

1. Ryan Leaf. Honestly, does anyone know where he is now?

2. Phillip Fulmer. He couldn't find a theater that would cash a $6 million personal check.

3. Guy Ritchie. That's what happens when your meal ticket trades up.

4. Charlie Weis. If you were coach of the Irish right now, wouldn't you use a fake name?

Buck-stopper

Cam Hutchinson of the (Saskatchewan) StarPhoenix says Barry Bonds recently went deer hunting in the Great North.

"The buck Bonds shot is said to be an impressive 193 inches," wrote Hutchinson. "I don't know much about hunting, but I think 193 inches is about the same as Bonds' hat size during the BALCO era."

Turkey call

Stop if you've heard this.

Team calls a practice. Team goes to practice. Allen Iverson doesn't want anything to do with it.

The Detroit Pistons held a workout Thanksgiving morning and guess who didn't show?

Then again, we're talkin' about Iverson. Iverson!

And we're talking about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving!

Freeze out

Utah State football coach Brent Guy went out in style on Saturday, thanks to a 47-2 win over New Mexico State.

Weird style, actually.

He refused to talk to the media, except his post-game radio show. Photographers were herded away from the USU sideline during the fourth quarter to prevent images of his final moments.

When players were asked about Guy, interviews were cut short.

Sounds a little like Cold War Russia to me.

Come to think of it, for anyone who's played there in the last 25 years, it could seem like Siberia.

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E-mail: rock@desnews.com